You’ve probably run across this issue before. It took me the first 2 years of my son’s life to figure out, and now that I’m 9 years into motherhood, I feel like I’m getting it down to a rhythm.
I’m talking about my momtra. What I stand for. Which battles I’ll pick and which I’ll let by. Who I am now that I’m a mom. What I want my kids to see in me.
Have you thought about it? It’s kept me up at nights, and caused lots of over-thinking. I used to worry about it. Mostly because I realized I was a mom before I really thought about what it was to be a mom.
I Thought I’d Come Up With Everything To Prepare For My Firstborn
- Baby registry
- Decorating the baby’s room
- Choosing of names
- The washing of newborn clothes before he came home
- Perfect rocking chair
- One million baby blankets (just in case)
- Cloth diapers
- Books on sleeping patterns
- Books on what to expect
- Enough baby clothes to cover every inch of my house
That and more was done to get ready for him. What I didn’t think about was me. I remember clearly going to a friends house when Josh was 5 months old and listening to her talk about her parenting style. The topics were wide. They spanned from if she would homeschool or public school, whether her baby was advanced or not, if she was going to allow processed food near her child, and much more.
I felt like all I could do was listen, because I hadn’t thought of any of that. I had gotten as far as keeping my baby safe, playing with him and trying to talk to adults once a day. Even that was a challenge. Especially at 5 months when babies are mobile!
That’s when I realized there was much more to being a mom than keeping them alive. I had decisions to make. Big decisions that could effect my little guy’s entire future. As an already avid list lover, I began researching and writing. Making goals, talking to my husband about what was realistic and asking the hard questions about our baby’s future.
I searched my heart and came up with what I now call my “momtra”. It’s what I believe has helped me not only survive motherhood, but thrive while I’m in it. And boy, am I in it. Now 3 kids deep, I’m so thankful for these simple truths that make me who I am as a mom.
- Children are a JOY.
- It is impossible to OVER-communicate. Keep trying!
- I will teach my children that fear is not a part of their DNA. Being fearful and being wise are two different things. We will be wise in our decisions.
- Work is good. It feels good to work hard. Laying on the couch watching TV is not the goal, but a simple way to rest after hard work. (this is for me AND my kids)
- I will do life with my kids. They are not excluded from activities with me (such as housework, errands, cooking, they’ve even come to business meetings from time to time).
- My children have feelings and opinions that are as important as mine. I will not belittle them. If we cannot do what they want to do, I will take the time to explain why. If they are upset, I will not tell them they can’t feel them or that they aren’t justified in that feeling. I will acknowledge them and help them to move passed that feeling or emotion.
- No deal is too big, no event too grand. If my children need me, if there is ever a crisis or emergency- I will be there for them. There is no age limit to this. I don’t care if they are 45 and need me- I will be there.
That’s it. I know, nothing was said about what kind of school I’ll put my kids in or how I will discipline, but that’s sort of the point. Those things are decided and they are important, but they aren’t the MOST important. They never will be. I’ve noticed that those things can change with each child too. I discipline my three kids in different ways, because they are different people. My momtra is what stays constant.
Total honesty, there are still days I’m just trying to keep them alive, but this is my goal. That my children grow up to be amazing humans. That they work hard for what they love. I want to see my children enjoy kids around them and even have kids of their own someday (I hear grandkids are the best!). I want them to know their worth, and know beyond a show of a doubt that their mom has their back. I want to see them charge ahead towards exciting new ventures, without letting fear hold them back.
So, that’s my momtra. What’s yours? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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