Fear sucks. It tells you you’re not good enough; that you are limited. Fear comes in and ruins your party. It steps on your dreams and laughs when you want to have goals in life.
I never really knew fear ruled my life. As a kid I thought fear was just what comes with trying to do something new. I thought fear was normal and should be expected.
In high school fear was a constant voice telling me what others thought of me. I was confident I knew exactly what someone thought of my outfit, my hair, my acne, and my beliefs. Especially my beliefs. I felt like a leper for believing in God.
Fast forward to being married and having kids: I still let fear talk to me. A little less, but still. I had isolated fear to only talking to me about my self-worth and image. I hated how I looked. Before and after having kids took a toll on me. For lots of reasons. I had no clue what eating healthy meant. I thought exercising was for fit people. I didn’t want to be the biggest person at the gym. I hated the sounds of my own breathing when I went on a jog. It was embarrassing. I thought there were no cute clothes made for people my size and shape, so I gave up trying to be stylish.
Almost 4 years ago now, I punched fear in the face. For reals. I decided I was worth the fight it would take to get happy about how I looked again. I joined the hardest and most intimidating gym I’d heard of: crossfit. I began researching what healthy food was and slowly began only putting in what my body would benefit from. I started reclaiming my sense of style. I bought clothes that looked good, felt good and made me smile a little more when I wore them.
But how did I get there? The punching part. To be honest it was the accumulation of fear ruling me that I got fed up with. I can’t tell you I had this one moment of clarity, because I had tons of moments. Times when I would pray and ask God to help me, to show me what to do. The problem was He would answer every time, and I’d hear Him clear as day tell me that I needed to put work in, and that there was victory in it for me. I just didn’t like the work part. I was thinking more like a magical fat fairy that came over with a vacuum and solved my issue.
So I committed to going to the gym for an entire year and learning how to eat healthy. As you can imagine the hard work paid off. Overall, I’ve lost more than 100 lbs, but with having 3 kids in between my weight has definitely gone up and down. I’m so happy I finally listened to God and put in the work to punch fear in the face. I’m healthy now, inside and out. I love that I am strong, fit and that I know how to fuel my body. The crossfit I joined also became a place of family for me. Whether it was my first day or my 3rd year, they’ve always been kind and welcoming. The coaches helped me modify when I first started and challenged me when I was scared to move up in weight or try a movement rx (as prescribed). It’s a place I can take my kids and they see me putting in the work. I know my oldest especially has learned a lot from this. He has watched me learn to humble myself so I can grow and improve.
Once in a while that snake tries to come back. I’m a lot better at hearing it though and shutting it down.
Right now I’m preparing for knee surgery and while it’s a simple procedure, it has kept me from my gym for 4 weeks. That part sucks. I’ve been programming my own stuff at home, but that fear tries to sneak in and make me worried my old self will come back if I miss a single day at the gym, or heaven forbid eat a doughnut.
You need to recognize where your fear is coming from. Only then can you punch it in the face and have victory in your life. I hope this encourages you to keep fighting, keep working and know that you’re not alone! If you ever need someone to talk to, or have questions for me about where to start, email or message me. I will always respond!
Remember, the most sour situations can be turned into the sweetest lemonade if you let it. Learn to love the life you have!
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